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wings, originally uploaded by javeja.

 

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i don´t like how i have become… that sort of person that is constantly watching out and who wants guys to back off… usually i am a very open person who is interested in meeting and making friends with a lot of new people (male and female)… but i have noticed that unfortunately very often when i meet indian guys the relationship can not stay on a platonic level… more often they say they wanna stay friends…. but it´s not true… in the long run they want something more outta it… and i am not saying that is true for all indian men cuz obviously that is nonsense… i have male indian friends where that is not at all like that… but generally when i go out, in public spaces and i meet new people very often i already have a very reluctant feeling to let myself get into any conversation with a guy cuz things like that can end very often like this: although you can very directly make clear that you are in a relationship, i often say i am married to make it even more clear, like a 100 times and over and over… new found friends can get very possessive and clingy… like 20 sms and calls a day… : “why are you not picking up the phone….? when can we meet? do you have time now? why are you not calling back?…. i could help you with an appartment, i know a good dealer… but that is only valid for you… i can´t help your friends”… ?!

so it can get a bit too much very fast… therefore i tend to be more reluctant when i meet indian men and i ask myself in my head… what does he want really?…

that is so shitty… that it has gotten so far… but i don´t know… i mean… i wanna meet new people including guys.. but just as friends… and so there is this dilemma… cuz i still wanna be an open person… and i will still try to be like that… but it can get so tiresome…

August 2007
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